Today I Took A Risk.

When I was in kindergarten, my parents wanted me to skip a grade.
When they told me, I cried.
When I was in first grade, my parents wanted me to skip a grade.
When they told me, I cried harder.
This happened every year until the third grade when I cried until I couldn't breathe and I allegedly turned purple. I cried until my parents turned mean and expectations fell unto anger.
I don't remember any of this, naturally. This is all told through the eyes of my parents.
What I do remember are my parents. I remember feeling very small. I remember my eyes growing very large. I remember their voices being very loud, a tag-team effort of attack. The word that comes to mind is 'looming.' Especially since I remember this conversation occuring in my dimly lit living room, where shadows seemed more real than people.
Long story short, I've never been apt to take risks. I've always been scared of jumping too high and falling into a rocky death. I've always been afraid of that critical moment when expectations turned into disppointments.
Today. I took a risk. And I fell.
But it seems I have risen(..if you read my last post, it's because I'm God, right? KIDDING). It seems I used this tragedy as a barometer for personal growth. And it seems I am really proud of myself for taking a risk and putting myself out there.
It must be true what they say. Cliches are cliches for a reason, aren't they? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
It seems every great fall leads to another great discovery and it seems as I become older the less afraid I am to take a risk, to put myself out there. And I am proud.
This time one year ago, I would've never had the balls to do what I did today. It's one thing to be nice and it's an entirely other thing to be a pussy. 6.5 times out of 10, I was a pussy. Today I was a bitch. I fell and it hurt...like a bitch, go figure. But it's ten hours later and I feel really good about myself. Besides, it was a much deserved fall; I was getting very spiteful and mean. And now that I'm content if not stoked about its outcome I'm starting to think maybe it wasn't because I jumped too high but not high enough (and if you're reading carefully, this translates into 'maybe I wasn't bitchy enough'...but we won't indulge in that.)
It seems I am beginning to gain confidence--that the coveted characteristic called composure is closer to being in my possession. And since I cannot think of any real triumphs, I will attribute this success to my greatest failures, in which my successes came from overcoming failure. Life is a sine curve: what goes up must come down, but more importantly, what goes down, must come up. Isn't that refreshing?

Soooo.... when do you think America's debt is going to reach it's relative minimum and start peddling up again?