I am God, if you did not realize.

Lately, everything seems just a little more pointless, a little more tedious, and a little more flat. Unfulfillment is swallowing me whole but my life feels empty.
And it is moments like these that remind me that people do in fact need God.
God, to give purpose, and meaning, and more importantly weight to one's life. The unbearable lightness of being. The unbearable lightness of being. The unbearable lightness of being.
For what reason am I supposed to do good things? For whom? To what end? Who is out there watching me when I choose to dissent from God?
When I am alone, what is stopping me from doing the reprehensible?
Nothing.
What is motivating me to do the laudable?
Nothing.
It seems self-fulfillment is not enough these days. I need to live for other people but today, I am alone. Yesterday, I was alone. Tomorrow I will probably be alone. I say probably because one must not lose hope. Even the hopeless must dream. But that too--dreams, that is--are not enough. I need to be loved. I need to be reminded that I am a perfectly acceptable human being.
And again at this point, the image of God pops back nto my head.
When all is lost, when you are subject to primordial solitude, you still have God. People need God. For purpose, meaning, weight, assuredness, and now love.
But what if people could find the will to live from within, void of outside influences? What if God is not an extrinsic being? What if He is an internal source of fulfillment? And when you have embodied Him, you have all of those things that are desired by people like me--people who are floating, drifting, flying--people who are permanently suspended in lime-flavored jello.
I guess what I'm trying to philosophize is that God may not be anything more than an extension of ourselves, from ourselves. God is our self-worth, our purpose, our value. God comes from within. When you have lost yourself, you simultaneously lose God...
So the next logical question is do I believe in God? And the only logical response is of course. Of course, I believe in God.
BUT. I do not embody him. I have not found or built what I want to live for...yet. Right now, I still depend on everything else for significance and justifiable substance
I believe there is a god but I am not sure what is my own. And this is confusing. This is hard to articulate. "What" is my god? Don't don't don't get confused. God does not have to be a "what." God is something entirely tangible. Yes, He is real but he does not exist. What is the dust of dreams? Or the shape of love, lust, sorrow, anger? What is God? These thing are all real. But they do not exist.
So did I reach a conclusion? What kind of ideology does this fall into? Give me a category and a place to belong.
Perhaps I've been reading too much Salinger. Perhaps I've been doing more than reading Salinger.