Ego.

Burning Man - Trey Ratcliff

"You should have just enough ego so that you don't walk into the street and get hit by a car." 

TED GONDER

Genius.

"Here's To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world - are the ones who do."

-Apple Computers

Old Vices, New Friends

Written reflection has been hard to come by these days--I've been talking a lot and writing down little. So I thought I'd exercise my languid thought and externalize my stream of consciousness. I'm a little out of touch.

There are three overarching ideas that have become entwined with my synapses, dominating my perception, relationships, and distracting me from econ. Today, I'll talk about one of them.

1) ROLE PLAY.

The idea of roles in the midst of diminishing social circles. I had my 17th breakdown on a Saturday night in the middle of November, when I realized that I was alone. Our social relationships are undoubtedly what anchor us to life--to living. And if we're so disconnected, if nobody actively remembers or is thinking about us, whats to say that we even exist? Everybody who lies outside of our extended network and line of consciousness, don't matter because we can't conceptualize them. We have no idea that they're out there. We don't know if the things they do affect us or not. And even if we could potentially care, we're none the wiser. So what does that mean for someone who is not in anybody's circle--at all? If nobody knows they exist, if they don't exist in thought, do they exist in life? With the exception of genius and those who have found purpose through obsession of pursuing their passions, most of us live for those around us. And if there's no one around us and if we're not brilliant...then what?

I had my 18th breakdown when I realized I was alone during a time when I was supposed to be the least alone: college. The formative years. The best years. This is supposed to be the height of the relationships we can be apart of because we are surrounded by like-minded and hungry individuals, who came to an institution to broaden our worlds, and inclusively, our networks. After this it all goes downhill. We go out into the workplace and suddenly we're surrounded by a much more insular society; the cohort of our coworkers that we connect to is smaller. And after that, then what? Who are we surrounded by then? Your immediate family? Is this why people have children? To make sure that they are important and needed. To make sure that they can be conceptualized. To make sure they do in fact exist to at least one other person.

So I went through my quarter life crisis and then I learned something else, something that keeps me sane. I realized that as my social circles become smaller, the number of roles I play also decrease, and I become more whole. In highschool, I spread myself between social groups and played a different role and function in each. The older I get, as my friendships solidify, the role I play across social groups is increasingly the one and the same, which lends to my sense of identity. This then builds stability. And now I'm here. I may have a tighter circle of close friends--but I'm starting to know who I am. I think this is why some great actors go crazy. They can fit into so many roles; they are simultaneously everyone and nobody.

I strongly believe that well-defined roles are a crux to social life and productivity. Especially in a business, if you understand your function then you'll know how to proceed, in which your motivation and accountability are derived not only from achieving the end goal, but from self. Businesses in which stakeholders are unsure of their role, reach a stasis, always waiting for someone else to initiate and delegate need-based instead of role-based tasks (which if well understood ultimately shouldn't need to be delegated or enumerated). Thus, progress moves much slower and only proceeds when it is forced--always a step behind instead of two steps forward.

I think this is enough for one day. The two reflections to come:

2) POWER PLAY.
"The trinity of power, private interest and relationships"-Phil Muggins

3) AND HOW IT ALL PLAYS OUT.

Problems and progress and the road to innovation

City of Big Shoulders

CHICAGO by Carl Sandburg
     HOG Butcher for the World,
     Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat,
     Player with Railroads and the Nation's Freight Handler;
     Stormy, husky, brawling,
     City of the Big Shoulders:
They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, for I
     have seen your painted women under the gas lamps
     luring the farm boys.
And they tell me you are crooked and I answer: Yes, it
     is true I have seen the gunman kill and go free to
     kill again.
And they tell me you are brutal and my reply is: On the
     faces of women and children I have seen the marks
     of wanton hunger.
And having answered so I turn once more to those who
     sneer at this my city, and I give them back the sneer
     and say to them:
Come and show me another city with lifted head singing
     so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning.
Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling job on
     job, here is a tall bold slugger set vivid against the
     little soft cities;
Fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning
     as a savage pitted against the wilderness,
          Bareheaded,
          Shoveling,
          Wrecking,
          Planning,
          Building, breaking, rebuilding,
Under the smoke, dust all over his mouth, laughing with
     white teeth,
Under the terrible burden of destiny laughing as a young
     man laughs,
Laughing even as an ignorant fighter laughs who has
     never lost a battle,
Bragging and laughing that under his wrist is the pulse.
     and under his ribs the heart of the people,
               Laughing!
Laughing the stormy, husky, brawling laughter of
     Youth, half-naked, sweating, proud to be Hog
     Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat, Player with
     Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.

College, the new standard American Dream

In the middle of winter quarter, I had a discussion with one of the students at Gary Comer Youth Center about the benefits of a college education. It prompted a long discussion and essentially I told him that I personally do not believe college is for everybody, but if you decide that a college education isn't for you, then you better be at least 5 times as smart, interesting, and determined as any college graduate to even stand a chance. In other words, if you intend on being successful, you can bypass college with the prerequisite that you are exceptional.

That said, I honestly believe that education is the answer to most of the problems a child from a troubled background faces. Education is the easiest tool to initially show a child that he/she can succeed, and that affirmation in itself is just as, if not more so, empowering than the act of acquiring knowledge.

Every success a child has in the classroom (eg. doing well on a test or answering questions correctly in class), every time a child is explicitly told that "they are right", eventually translates to self-confidence which translates to self-worth, a powerful notion that may not be readily passed on to children esp. those of troubled families and backgrounds. This self-worth helps insulate a child from social pressures and has the potential to keep a child off the streets, with school and books as a refuge. I strongly believe that success and confidence are intrinsically linked. All you need is conviction to go places.

So my obvious goal as a tutor, is to ensure that every child receives a quality education through sufficient fostering and provided resources to secure self-worth so that they can have a bright and healthy future.

But here's the twist:

I got to thinking: what would happen if every child really did get that amazing education, pursued a college degree, and landed a secure career? Would there be enough white-collar jobs to go around? What would happen to blue collar-jobs, etc. that perform an integral function of society? Even if this were achievable, would an entirely college-educated population be beneficial? Or does the natural pecking order of the world exist for a reason?

And apparently my midnight ramblings that are mildly apocalyptic, are actually a reality. Six months later, WSJ posted this article, in which  Lauren Weber poses the question "Do too many young people go to college?" and four education experts debate it.

I wonder how many years of schooling these experts went through and their current salaries...

Over the past few decades, the social standards have been steadily raising the bar. A college education is the no longer the means to an end, but the end, the new standard American Dream. And K-12 education responded accordingly. With AP classes, IB programs, and college prep schools, schools teach kids to the test for one goal alone: so they can get to college.

I believe that schools should not necessarily ask their students "How smart are you?" but rather "How are you smart?" Thus, fostering an individuaI's strengths and talents, and helping them make an informed decision about pursuing college. I accept that a college education isn't for everyone and I genuinely think one can be successful without it. But again, you have to be pretty freaking exceptional (take Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and even that fucker, Mark Zuckerberg)--not just comparable, but better than your college-educated peers. Otherwise, a college degree is a surefooted way to at least match the competition, which as the article discusses, is more and more of the competition. That said, it makes it hard not to pursue a secondary education precisely because everyone else is, making those who don't look pretty bad in comparison.

So educational costs are doomed to increase by the law of demand. And I'm sure it'll continue to go up as long as stats support that people who go to college make more money. It's impossible to tackle the problem on cost alone, because cost is a function of demand; the lower the cost, the more people would attend; parallelly, the high cost forces a student to analyze whether college is actually right for them. In which case, it makes sense to continue to increase tuition, even if it's not preferable. I would love to know the number of universities/colleges in the US over time to see if volume is in conjunction with increased demand, and if it is, if the ideal "market price" matches up with the actual going rate of a college education. It would also be interesting to see if all schools are drastically increasing tuitions, or if it's only a select few.  And lastly, the first ten years of a college grad's returns v. their student debt.

All in all, I still think it's better move to go to college but it's really up to an individual and whether they think the cost- and the risks that accompany it- is not only a viable investment but if it aligns with their career goals, or, not. For most people, intellectual fulfillment is secondary, either by principal or necessity, to making a living and being financially independent.

I want every child to be successful and definitely graduate from highschool if nothing else. But from there on, how that success is defined, should be entirely up to an individual. It is crucial for a child to have an open mind as it is for a teacher to remain objective and avoid pushing their own opinions on a child in order to foster individual thinking, which I still think is the real root of the problem. Schools shouldn't teach to a test, but help develop a child's individual talents. Maybe then college wouldn't be inundated with people who don't do well enough to stay, and innovation and entrepreneurship would be revived in America's youth. But what do I know? I'm not an expert, I don't have a PhD; this is just what I think, so take heed.

America's Pretty Pluralism

REFLECTIONS.
On Freshman Year:

I ought to have done this earlier. Two weeks was just enough time to turn sentimentalities into uncomplicated memories neatly tied together with a string of cliches. Get ready for it. Maybe there wasn't that much to be sentimental about in the first place. Or maybe there is. But I remember walking away from school with a mixture of sadness for what can't stay the same and incredible hopefulness for the changes to come. For the first time in years, I feel ambitious. All of a sudden, I'm not thinking about who I'll disappoint but what I want. In college, away from home and away from my past, the only person I ever had to worry about, the only feelings I ever had to take into account were my own. So I simultaneously gained substance and also gained a lot of room to do a lot of stupid shit. Never miss an opportunity to fuck up, do I? Go hard or go home, right? Not an applicable cliche? YOLO (always an applicable cliche). That said, there were some lows. Disappointment cuts deep. Can't decide if not being able to remember my worse nights makes it better, or not.

But there were also some highs (lolololololol). I spent eight months getting to know an incredible city, living on a beautiful campus, with beautiful people. And when I take that into consideration, I really can't complain; I am so incredibly lucky. Every day I spent in Chicago was a privilege--an expensive privilege, but completely worth it. I often measure (and perhaps incorrectly so) experiences by aesthetics, the people I encounter, and the stories they share with me. By those standards, in the words of Noah Shaw, this was the best year of my life and I really just can't stop myself from being grateful.

On Bonnaroo:
It's amazing how these crazy fuckers can blend into society so flawlessly once they reemerge into it. Places like airports. So many different people that they all look the same regardless--America's pretty pluralism. If it weren't for the subtle traces of mud on their shoes and the camping equipment on their backs, I'd never know they just came from a place that can be aptly described as a present day Woodstock.
Time stood still at Bonnaroo--in which time is adjacent to thinking and thinking adjacent to responsibility. I think if I stayed any longer, I'd be perpetually lost: floating, drifting, flying. But in a much less unbearable or ominous way than how I used those words in the past. I'm not weighted down by anything, but instead of feeling purposeless, I barely notice. There's nothing around to remind me that gravity exists, that burdens need to be carried. In the past, the trouble was not knowing which burden to bestow on my shoulders, lacking purpose while searching for fulfillment in a deliberate world. But at Bonnaroo, there are no burdens, just dirty hippies--and the only time you're living in is the present. It's nice as long as you don't realize.
Now that I'm conscious of it, I'm not sure I'll ever go back and enjoy it as much.

"I found my identity in God."
I read that somewhere today.
"I found my identity in God."
I read that and then I couldn't stop thinking:
How do you identify with something
That, you and I--we--as human beings,
are incapable of ever understanding or knowing,
If you find your identity in God,
Then you don't know where your identity is.
Even if we are made in His image,
We still don't know what he actually looks like.

But while I'm here being a cynic, picking apart a person's identity,
Other people have real problems.
The students I am privileged to tutor and interact with at Gary Comer Youth Center are really truly incredible people. The promise they have is unbelievable. The promise every child has is unbelievable. They've been through so much and they just take it. When the rich and privileged suffer, they'll let you know about it; they feel entitled to something, like the rest of the world is indebted to them. But these kids carry their burdens like it's apart of them and if you ask them if anything's wrong, nothing comes to mind. It's actually incredible.

"The question should never be "How smart are you?" but "How are you smart?""

I'm excited to see how these students grow and become young adults. I almost wish there was a bigger age difference between us so I could measure their growth with a sharper eye.