Nowhere (Indiana)

Maybe it's because I've spent the past 3 hours reading David Foster Wallace or maybe it's because I've spent the past 2 hours on a Megabus surrounded by Nothing (Indiana) and my thoughts but I have a strong inclination to self indulge on a serious stream-of-consciousness-binge...or does this count as a purge?

Second to that, I've also been concerned with morbid + anal retentive thoughts mostly because there are 3x4 in. yellow caution stickers taped to the back of every individual chair commanding the dear rider to "Fasten seatbelt" in 3 different languages (English, Fr., Spanish, in that order, in descending font size). Of which I have chosen to disobey, prompting Final Destination 5 visions and considerations of what people will think of me when they claim my things in rm 609B1 of Fenn Tower, Shithole (Cleveland), and realize I didn't clean my room or fold my laundry or make my bed before leaving for work that morning, before leaving for Chicago that afternoon, before a weekend trip to see my boyfriend of anywhere from 5-7 mos.-- v. unbecoming for a 20 yr old girl-young lady-woman.

After that, just prior to putting down DFW and picking up my unlined journal-planner-notebook, I spent >= 15 minutes looking out at cornfields, telling myself that I have Drive again, and that tomorrow I'll wake up and won't be jaded, which then immediately prompted my thought-purge, binge-write, self-indulgent stream-of-consciousness in my unlined journal-planner-notebook. Two months ago, I was fast approaching a three year stint of pure apathy. Today I've endured 3+ years of pure apathy. Although my scattered journal entries may tell you otherwise, chalkful of ambition--spoonfed, regurgitated, then spoonfed again--mostly by my own hand--with a tone of forced hopefulness that rings with This Time Will Be Different.

Unfortunately, This Time Will Be Different is standing in a used parking lot, wearing a plaid suit, underneath a trench coat that he/she is holding open to one side exposing knock-off Dreams and Aspirations he/she is trying to pass off as the real deal for the blow out price of $19.99 (tax inc.).

But.

This time will be different. Because I have drive again.
Tomorrow, I will wake up. And I won't be jaded.