Personal Statement.

I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind.

George Bernard Shaw

I AM THE AMERICAN DREAM, except better looking. And smarter.

Megan Chen’s Personal Statement.

Because one of the requirements to apply for every single scholarship is to write a “personal statement” –whatever the fuck that is—I will. BUT. Rest assured, I don’t have any idea what I’m doing and I am really unhappy about it and I will bitch the entire way. Plus I feel like I can’t do this properly without gauging my friends and family for their opinion of me. Which could only go one of two ways…I will either cry because nobody likes me or I’ll cry because people are feeding me bullshit that they love me and I will believe it completely and never doubt a single word. I LOVE BULLSHIT. Go ahead. Tell me I’m pretty. Actually, this is a personal statement. I’ll tell you I’m pretty. I’m pretty. And brilliant. And just a well-rounded freakin’ awesome individual who has twelve-year-old-boy humor and dresses like a trendy mom. You’d think this would average out to seventeen year old girl but really it’s just one hot mess, emphasis on the hot. Because in addition to all of those other desirable qualities, I am also one hot piece of ass. I mean, I run cross country. Technically. I mean, I’ve been a gimp my entire life but if you tell me cripples can’t run too I will go civil rights on you and sue your ass. The outcome of which would probably amount to more than any scholarship I’ve applied to thus far (zero). I haven’t had this bad of writer’s block since…the last time I had to write something important. Well fuck me. It’s probably not okay to say the word ‘fuck’ in a personal statement. Well, fuck you. I guess I won’t win this or any other damn scholarship. But if you don’t award me something substantstial, you will feel bad. Just look at me. Just look at me. I can personally state that: I am a needy child. I am not white. I am a first generation American. I do not have a penis. And I have an extremely foul mouth which can only shine light on my troubled home life. I wasn’t raised properly. But through trial comes success. Yeah. In other words. MY LIFE SUCKS BUT I’M STILL A HOT PIECE OF ASS. GIVE ME MONEY. 

Personal statement--check.
Now for Sam Tsui and his beautiful voice.